looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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