I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
