Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
