youre lurking in front of me
We named our party play list daddy issues
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's just like the Real World with babies
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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