We won't sleep together?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
