you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
