you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
