Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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