ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
