we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
