I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
