he thought i was a dude.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
