he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
