Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
