So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
