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• (773): View more from Illinois

  i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (956): View more from Texas

  I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm cool with that

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight

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