If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.