dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.