it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.