you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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