I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack