I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
