i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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