If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
