went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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