I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
