Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
