I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
