so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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