Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
