my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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