I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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