He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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