I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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