I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
