Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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