Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
