Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
