YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore