I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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