You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.