my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list