I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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