just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.