We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.