How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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