I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
