Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
