Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
