you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
