So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
