i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
