It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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