Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
