We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
