Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize