i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
