the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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