I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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