he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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