Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
