Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
another moral hangover. fuck.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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