when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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