what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
