i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
