i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
