I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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