he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
