yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
