I just threw up on my dentist
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
