wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
