Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
