I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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