is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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