When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
this hospital has no fireball
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
