You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
