She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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