I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
