We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
