I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
