I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
