I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
