we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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