Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
