if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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