I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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