So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
