You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
