pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
