lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
