Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
