im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
