I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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