i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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